X-GROW UP!

So, as I enter the final days of what has been a pretty rocky ride through the throes of the escrow process, those close to me keep asking why don't I seem excited? I mean, I scored my "dream house," right? Well, considering that the past 28 days (only 2 to go...) have been filled with stress, sleepless nights, over-thinking, fear and panic attacks over the financial commitment to which I am conscripting myself, I can only answer:
"When I finally have the keys in my hand."
Now I know I have been gifted beyond belief in getting this beautiful loft. I know that. I know that I fought hard for it, was devastated when I thought I lost it to someone else and feel so grateful to have had the chance to win it back. I know it was mine from the start, I deserve it and that it is not only perfect, but a literal steal in terms of what it offers versus its cost.
But there it is: THE COST!
My panic attacks at 3 a.m. stem from the outrageous price tag on not just this pad, but ANYTHING in the Greater Los Angeles area. It is really crazy. So, when I start to sweat it, I have to just thinking about how much it will cost me PER MONTH, not how much it cost overall or how long I'll be paying it off (I believe my last payment shall be made sometime after my 112th birthday). I also have to remember that it is indeed EVERYTHING I could ever want - even for more money.
OMG - did I really just write that?!
MORE money?!
But the reality of the situation is that L.A. is pricey. And it's time for me to X-GROW UP. I need to live in a place that is a home where I can re-begin my adult life. And the truth is, I'm getting KILLED in taxes. So I need the write-off.
Still, I am scared. Every other property out there seems to be either in foreclosure or in a short sale. I'm sure none of those owners thought when they bought that a few years later they would be bankrupt and have to surrender their home.
But I'm doin' it. And underneath all the fear is a real sense of excitement. It's there. It's just being smothered by all the other worries. I'm sure once I get past all the moving and transitional bookkeeping stuff, I'm going to be really happy. I also am absolutely confident that if I didn't do it, I'd be sitting in my old place, miserable and feeling like a loser.
Did I mention the tax benefits?
So... in a couple of days I'll have spent every dime I have and then some and will officially be what some refer to as "house poor." I don't think that sounds either admirable or glamorous, but it's what I'll be. But at least I'll be beautiful house poor.
More to be revealed...